"Do Not Play" List

As you can see from the rest of this blog, we've gotten a pretty decent head start in the planning of this shindig. We've already got a place, a date, a photographer, and Erin even already has a dress. But as far as I'm concerned, this show will live and die with one thing: the music. As such, Erin has given me the task of organizing all of the music for both the ceremony and the reception.

We decided very early on that we absolutely do not want a DJ, as this would probably result in me getting in a physical altercation with this unfortunate individual by the end of the night. And while I've always thought it would be awesome to have a live karaoke band for the reception, the logistical and fiscal demands of such a plan make it ultimately more trouble than it's worth. If I had the technology I'd probably try to clone myself (a la Multiplicity) and just DJ my own wedding, but, barring any breakthroughs on that front in the next 8 months, I've resigned myself to just making a 5 hour playlist of all the songs I think will make for an awesome Jimmy and Erin-themed party. I'd like to have some fun surprises in there for everyone, so I don't want to give too much of a sense of what music will be played, I do want to do a quick rundown of some wedding standards that will not be played. . .

1) "Electric Slide" / "Achey Brakey Heart" / "Chicken Dance" / "Macarena"

The fact that any of these gimmicky one-off dance fads has endured decades after its initial popularity is as surprising as it is pathetic. There's frankly no way to not embarrass yourself while doing any of these these so called "dances." The ability to perform any of these with any grace or competence is just as sad and lame as any amateur attempt to keep up with those that can - especially since there will likely be both photographic and videographic evidence of your shame.*

2) "Celebration" Robert "Kool" Bell has written many brilliant pop tunes, and this is no exception, but c'mon, this is just lazy DJing. It's as if the DJ just admitted to the entire reception that he can't remember whether this is a wedding or a bris.

3) "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)" The proliferation of this song by wedding DJs is just perverse. It's like a theme song for passive-aggressive brides that want to gloat over their single friends.

4) "White Wedding" This song is problematic for two reasons. If you happen to be naive to accept the chorus of this song on a literal level, it's incredibly trite. If not, it's just in poor taste to send off the new couple into wedded bliss with a song about going on a coke bender**

5) "Wonderful Tonight" I've just always hated this song. Can't really explain why.

*I've expressly omitted "YMCA" simply because I find the idea of conservative baby boomers getting down to a song that's expressly about gay cruising hilarious.

**I'm willing to make an exception here if your wedding reception happens to involve liberal cocaine use.